National Forgive Mom & Dad Day

Take a moment to remember...way back...go farther back... all the way back to when you were a teenager or even when you were a child. You are probably in your room, face-down on your bed, head covered with your pillow. And you are mad. Really mad; like furious. You could be crying, but the tears are those of anger and frustration, not sadness. Now, what are you thinking? Go back; try to remember the words that bounced in your head. Let me help you out. It probably went something like this:

They don't understand what it's like to be a kid/teenager at all...

When they were my age, they didn't have it as rough as I do...

I can't stand them; I hate them...

I'll never be like them...

When I'm the parent, I won't...

I'll never forgive them...

Okay, are you with me? Did you ever do that? Think that? We probably all did. One of the first and biggest lessons my kids have ever taught me is to appreciate and understand my parents and what they went through to raise me. Not until I brought my own bundles of joy home did I realize the sacrifice, agony, sleepless nights, patience, wisdom, and so many other things that go in to rearing a child. Did my parents do everything right? Nope. Do I? Not hardly.

That's why a day like National Forgive Mom & Dad is so important. Parents are people too and now that we are adults, we need to cut them some slack. They messed up. They sinned. They fell short. They made bad choices. They failed. They were selfish. They didn't understand. But for the most part, they tried to do the best they could.

So, I have two challenges for you today. The first one is for anyone. What do you say? Think back over your childhood and remember the things your parents did RIGHT. For some of you, it may be more difficult than others. But look at your mom and your dad through a lens of grace. What did they try to teach you? What did they sacrifice for you? What good choices did they make? Choose today to forgive their short-comings, their failures, their faults and celebrate the good things. When we forgive, we don't acknowledge the rightness or wrongness of an action--we acknowledge our release of its power on us. You can do this whether your parents are living still or not; whether you tell them or not; and whether they acknowledge their own guilt or not. Forgiveness is for YOU.

The second challenge is for those of you who are parents. Do you want to take a risk? Up for something bold? It could hurt. It could also lead to great healing. The challenge is this: Ask your kids to think back and tell you a time when you hurt them. Then listen. The trick is not to allow yourself to get defensive or to argue. It doesn't matter if it makes sense to you. It doesn't matter if you think it is trivial. It doesn't even matter if they remember it wrong. What matters is that your child was hurt and they hold you responsible for it. So, first ask; then listen. Now, ask their forgiveness. Allow your child the opportunity to release the hurt now instead of dealing with it the rest of his/her life. Swallow your pride and be the grown-up. Hard to do, isn't it?  (Now would also be a helpful time to revisit number 1. It might make it a little easier to forgive your parents now that you've put yourself on the other side of the parental forgiveness table.)

Embrace forgiveness today. The alternate option is just too ugly.

See you on Friday when we spend another day Getting Into Characterby looking at The Judger.